Changes
by Luvvyahbabe
Summary: You were just a new kid on scholarship when you met him. You didn't know much of his past or his notorious reputation. You just knew him as Ben, the first relatively decent bloke to friend you at that school. You didn't know about the pain that he would knowingly inflict to keep you. Only that Ben was your new friend who was a bit, well, off. KYLOxREADER
1. Chapter 1

You arrived in your mother's rumbling car, trying to focus on the familiar sound of her attempting to coax the loyal tin beast to continue on in its journey. As it stuttered to a stop, you rubbed the dashboard and winced with sympathy. You were scared to see what will be under the hood when you finally got home.

"I am going to get a new car," your mother solemnly promised into the air.

"But Belba is apart of the family" you whined in your seat turning to pout. _Plus we can't exactly afford a new car._ However, you wouldn't be cruel enough to state the obvious. And most importantly Belba was your baby, her granddaughter by all definitions and you would never let your daughter rot in the dumpster. You rescued her from that pit and it would be beyond evil to bring her back.

"She can still be apart of the family in the dumpster" your mother muttered when Belba chose at that unhelpful moment to say hello via window wipers.

You gasped affronted, opening your mouth to retort before your mother smothered your face in kisses.

"I know. I know. She is my unconventional granddaughter but when I get promoted I _will_ get us a new car and let you keep Belba all nice and cozy in our new spacious garage. Unused and safely far away from society and any dumpsters"

You squealed at the assault, smiling at your mother's serious face, "of course!"

It was a promise she made routinely for the past 7 years. You ignored the deep almost painful bags under her eyes and the new collection of wrinkles aging her beautiful features beyond her time as you returned her hopeful smile. You felt such immense love and admiration at her hope and steely determination that you squished her into a bear hug. She was the one to squawk this time before returning your hug in earnest.

_I'll buy you the car, garage, everything_. You promised into the hollow of her chest bone.

"Aw Pookie" you smiled involuntarily at the name, "I am so proud of you."

She fixed the loose strays of your hair before reaching behind the chair to plop an unexpected bag in front of you.

You blinked in surprise, "it's for your first day, for the scholarship, helping with the kids, and being my favorite daughter!"

"I'm your only daughter" you replied customarily, feeling your ears turn pink at her heartfelt expression.

"Well, who knows maybe not the only one" she winked.

You gasped horrified, "you're …"

She laughed running a hand on your soft cheek, "Oh no! But you know I think Jab is going to marry me soon and he always says he wants another one"

You're face soured instantly at the name, oh _him_.

With her hand on her belly and that naive expression on her face, she looked like the young woman she really was.

Too young to be a mother. Too young for all this stress. Too young for all of it.

Your hatred for that tub of slime grew exponentially larger.

Seeing your unreceptive expression she sighed softly, "He _is_ your father. He helps out and cares for us in his own way"

_Helps out? He was a creep, a rotten, disgusting, foul -_

"Pookie" she sighed softly, the youthfulness in her features made it hard to look at her.

"Pookie, open your present" she smiled regretfully as you sucked up your plethora of dark thoughts and gave her a small but fake smile.

Opening the box you blinked at the sudden explosion of color.

Apprehensive, you picked up the - you didn't quite know what it was.

Turning it side to side you finally were able to figure out after much too long that this ball fluff was, in fact, a backpack.

It was hard to deduct that seeing as it was bright pink with rainbow fur, a horn, and googly eyes.

It was loud, obnoxious, and -

"The munchkins help pick it out" she absentmindedly played with the fur while judging your reaction.

"I love it" You hugged it, feeling your chest tight with affection imaging the little monsters and your mom thinking that _this_ was suited for you and judging by the quality of the bag, how much your mother must have saved up for this saccharine monstrosity.

Maneuvering all of your belongings to its new place in the tight confines of the car, you stared happily at the ball of fur in your lap.

It was atrocious in the most wonderful way.

"Okay," she sighed regretfully, "its time."

She held your cheeks in her hands making you unable to avert your gaze.

"You got this" there was unwavering honesty in her eyes that mesmerize you. "You are smart and wonderful and you _got_ this"

The conviction made you hesitate as you forced away any tears. After a short but profound moment, you nodded your head as much as you could with your face squashed as it was.

After a tender moment, she released your face as you both to turn and look at the ornate and oppressively beautiful building. Too huge and wonderful to be a school.

You gulped.

With a last parting glance at your mother, you tried to memorize her loving and proud smile, making it fill you up with courage you didn't feel.

"You belong there smartypants" she winked and patted your bum on your way out of the car making you squeak in embarrassment.

Words were caught in your throat as the reality of the situation made its way known. You knew if you stalled this any longer you would never go in. Attempting to rip it off like a pesky band-aid you gave her a short nod, clutching your lunch close to your chest and marched up the stairs.

Hearing Belba's off-key bonk you turned, allowing yourself one last look at your beaming mother.

You hoped the smile you sent was somewhat reassuring before continuing your trek up those stairs. Thankfully you were blessed with the fact that most of the students were to already be inside.

The only few that were still loitering about were clustered off to the side and by the snickering, you heard as you passed, had seen you.

At once the measly confidence you manage to summon was snuffed away as you sprinted up those never-ending stairs to escape their leering eyes.

_You belong here. You belong here. You belong here. You belong here._

For some reason, it didn't sound as plausible when you said it to yourself.

**Helllooo! So I love love love Kylo and this story has been in my head for some time! Warning this will have Ben, who in an effort to have history not repeat itself (no spoilers) will be incredibly manipulative. This doesn't excuse him, just know that while there will be fluff it is still an unhealthy like 80% of the time!**


	2. Chapter 2

The first time you saw him, you knew you should steer far away from his near vicinity.

When you open the mammoth doors you could only see a flash of him down the hall. Tall and silhouetted in black, he glided with a swift grace through the halls like he was a gyne amongst her subjects. His presence was undeniable, comically splitting through the crowd of students reminding you of the images of Moses you saw in Sunday school.

But as quick as you saw him, he disappeared. You assumed that anyone who commanded that much space had to be a tyrannical principal or at least one of the scary teachers available in every school.

Someone you definitely didn't want to encounter on your first day.

Forcing away your curiosity, you were finally able to admire your surroundings, gasping without thought when confronted by how immense it was. You were almost afraid to touch the walls, fearing your scholarship hands would sully the place. With high ceilings, a huge skylight, long tidy stairs in various directions, and impossibly long stretching hallways, it felt like a residence more suited for the Queen than students.

Of course, royalty did attend this school. Your brain unhelpfully reminded you which brought you back to the present. Where those aforementioned students that were still lounging in the hall watched you with barely concealed amusement as you gaped about like a fish.

You let out a small squeak, to your utter mortification, and quickly retreated to the brightly labeled main office hoping to seek refuge from their merciless eyes.

You entered the space, breathing a sigh of relief and sharing a warm smile with the elderly secretary who helpfully guided you to the principal's office.

As you knocked timidly at the door, an affable man with a bright smile and pudgy cheeks that matched your own greeted you with a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. No one should be this jovial this early in the morning. The short round man guided you into his warmly lit office, which even under all the overwhelming clutter, was grandiose.

"Hello my dear! I'm Dakarus Griffiths, the Headmaster of this fine establishment! You can call me Mr. Griffiths, Dakarus, Griffs or even G-dog. Its what my friends call me" he winked conspiratorially trapping your hand in warm palms. "It is such a pleasure to meet our newest scholarship receiver. Such a pity it will only be you this year," you felt yourself being guided to an impossibly soft chair.

"I am still fighting for the creative arts scholarship for next year so fingers crossed! Oh, please come sit!" placing small moon-shaped glasses on his button nose he squinted at the wrinkled paper in front of him while you sunk deep into the chair.

"We are quite impressed with your records missy and with all the trials and tribulations you went through! We always love having those with a fresh and unique perspective in our little school! Some of the kids here can be a little - well, high-hat at times but don't go tell anyone that" he whispered comically. You wonder how he never seemed to be out of breath, "the donors would be none so please if they heard little old me ever say anything disparagingly about their precious young ones but you know diversity only brings out the best and-"

What happened in the next few minutes was a blur. Trying your hardest to keep track of his one-sided conversation you nodded dumbly, attempting to grasp crucial information in his upbeat tirade on the school. Somehow the conversation steered towards his new knitting club that he and his pub friends were setting up. They were hoping to knit enough sweaters to give to the local shelter which made your heart gush.

You left the cluttered but incredibly cozy office with a warm hand on your shoulder, clutching your new schedule and information tightly to your chest. Once stepping out of that warm atmosphere into the cold clinical hallway, you suddenly did not feel as reassured as Mr. Griffiths hoped to make you.

You were starkly reminded of how uncomfortable your ill-fitting uniform was on your chubby belly, the small hole in your dirty shoes and your new too bright backpack that would undeniably attract unwanted attention. Placed in this new foreign environment you felt as if all you gathered this morning was one thing.

You did not belong.


	3. Chapter 3

At least the principal was nice, you compromised, and if anything maybe you could spend your lunch with G-dog as he discussed the vast superiority of circular needles.

"Ah yes!" he cheered as he guided you to the shiny front desk occupied by an even more, if possible, welcoming smile. The elderly woman you ashamedly overlooked enveloped your hands in her surprisingly strong grip.

"Hello sweetie, I'm Mrs. Tarmin."

Mumbling shy pleasantries you burned brightly at her coo, "aww very polite young lady you have here Dakarus"

"Yes, indeed sweet Anita dear! I think she will make a fine addition don't you?"

They shared a heated glance that made you momentarily forget your discomfort as you briefly imagined the two of them going on cozy knitting dates.

"Oh ahem" he blushed pink making their envisioned romantic tryst even more plausible, "Anita dear, would you be well- aha a dear and tell me who is the lucky student that will help guide the young miss this month"

"No problem Dakarus" she smiled prettily as she unambiguously batted her eyelashes to the increasingly reddening man. G-Dog smoothed out his thin balding hair, leaning against the counter. However, he miscalculated and slipped a bit _but_ performed a suave recovery if you said so yourself. Flirting was never more wholesome than at this moment as you decided to root for their unmistaken courtship.

As if remembering your existence during their heated stare down, he turned towards you and puffed out his round belly in an unsubtle attempt at peacocking, "You see here at Coruscant, we prize our efforts to ensure any new transfers are properly inundated into the system. Our scholarship program is incredibly esteemed and attentive in order to ensure all yearly transfers are able to properly utilize their talents. We want them to be on par as quickly as possible with students who have been a part of this school system since Year 1. To do this, we have a student mentor for the first month to help ease the transition as smoothly as possible. Both academically and socially! I created the system when I first became Headmaster"

The way he proudly boasted the achievement, you could tell it was mostly for Mrs. Tarmin's sake than yours. Seeing her response you could tell he succeeded. Smiling politely you congratulated his policy as the conversation somehow steered back into knitting.

"And don't get me started on the yarn supplier you wouldn't believe-"

"Oh" Mrs. Tarmin frowned, losing her jovial mirth.

"Anita? Are you alright?"

She quickly shook her head tidying up her intricate bun, "y-yes of course!" she smiled fakely, looking at you with thinly-veiled concern.

_Uh oh._

"It seems that Mr. Kenobi was chosen."

The expression on G-dog's face misplaced as he almost grudgingly asked her to call up said student to the front desk.

You felt unease pool in your belly whoever this was, he was trouble.

However, you weren't given much time to hypothesis what Mr. Kenobi looked like as when you turned _he_ was there.

_Oh goodie._

He was _tall_. Long and thin like the ominous shadow under a creaking door. His face possessed such strong features for someone his age, a Romanesque nose, thick lips, and deep obsidian eyes glared unimpressed at your bewildered expression.

_How did he manage to make school uniform look that polished?_

You turned to the pointed cough beside you, remembering the other people present, "ah this will be your introductory guide. Usually, it would be the previous scholarship winner in order to encourage a sort of solidarity in situation but due to circumstances out of our control that will not be the case." There was an out of place edge in his voice for someone so jolly. If you would have looked up from staring intently at your tattered shoes you would have seen G-Dog's equally unimpressed frown directed at the menacing figure in front of you. "There are other winners, but It seems that the board has chosen to elect the person most conveniently placed in most of your classes." His voice seemed doubtful as if he didn't even believe what he was saying.

_Lucky you._

"You will treat her well. Right, Benjamin" the Headmaster beside you wasn't the same kind man you met earlier and you wish you could melt into the ground to avoid the oppressing tension between the pair.

You glanced up at the figure - Benjamin. You internally winced, practically hearing the boy's teeth grate against each other as he glared murderously at the Headmaster.

"Yes, Dakarus," the utter contempt drenched in those two words had you mutely impressed.

However, you were more impressed by the unwillingness of the Headmaster who at once transformed into an unyielding stronghold.

"That is Mr. Griffiths to you, Benjamin."

_Guess Benjamin wasn't G-dog's friend._

Twiddling your thumbs you almost missed the short nod that seemed painful for Benjamin to do. He abruptly turned, billowing his long black coat in the most dramatic fashion, and glided down the hall without a glance behind him.

You quickly jumped into action, clutching your schedule, and sent a brief reassuring smile to the stiff Headmaster who was unashamedly glaring at the quickly retreating figure.

"Come to me with any problems do you understand" you gulped at his grave tone and nodded vehemently.

"Yes, sir."

"Ah, call me Dakarus. Or G-Dog" and once again he was back.

He patted your shoulder "have a great day dear! And do come by anytime. We could always use more students aboard the knitting club!"

You blinked dumbly, not sure what to do besides nod once more and waved at him and the blanched secretary. You ignored the unconcealed look of pity she was sending you as much as you could.

You wanted to just call it quits but seeing as how Benjamin was already quite far down the hall, you puffed up your chest, summoned your last reserve of courage, and ran after him.

However, all that confidence disappeared when you met said boy by colliding into his solid back.

For someone, so lanky he sure felt like running into a wall.

"Ah I'm so so so sorry" you gasped mortified, rubbing your forehead.

He turned with a look of such utter contempt, it made you think you killed his whole family or something. Before, of course, you realized that you never even met this bloke. However, like whiplash, his face became stoic as he looked at you. You couldn't decide which expression frightened you more.

"U-U-u-u " you fidgeted turning bright pink "um I'm-"

"I know your name"

You squeaked, yes _squeaked_ like a scared piggy, much to your shame, at the unexpected interruption.

"Oh yes, of course, how silly of me!"

Silence.

"Um, it's a pleasure to meet you, Benjamin"

Silence.

You held out your hand and watched him gaze at your appendage for too long with an expression that seemed much too intense for your liking. After a long awkward moment in which your arm began to strain you admitted defeat. Shame, a regular occurrence today it seemed, swallowed you whole as you slowly lowered your hand. Luckily, before you could hide your face in the utter mortification your pudgy fingers were trapped in cold hands.

You were fascinated by how long his fingers were, it looked like spider webs ensnaring its prey. You gulped.

_Right. What a lovely image. Oh gosh, could your face turn any redder?_

He cleared his throat and you realized that it indeed could when you were caught staring at his fingers like an utter nutter.

_Great introduction._

He stared at you blankly with a stony silence that made your brain panic.

Doing what you always do, being the fool you are, you filled it with mortifying word vomit that you couldn't stop as much as you desperately wanted too.

"You're tall!"

Silence.

_Kill me._

"That's, that's a compliment I swear! I'm so jealous wow I wish I had legs like yours"

Silence.

_Kill. Me. Now._

"Being tall is great! I wouldn't know of course but you could model being that tall! I don't think you model though."

You gasped

"Ah not saying you couldn't it's just that why would you be here if you did but you totally could and should model! You have the face for it! My cousin, she models for our church and she is so beautiful and says that a lot of places want models now who aren't pretty but have unique features like you!"

Your eyes widened in horror as you reached out with a comforting hand. Why couldn't you stop insulting him? Why were you still _talking_?

"Not that your not pretty you are very very pretty-"

He stared at your stubby hand clutching his much too expensive jacket. Curse your family for being the overly physically affectionate lot. His face was unreadable and you wondered if you needed the scholarship. _You don't right?_

Quickly snatching your hand away you ran it through your hair and stared at him with wide eyes, "I'm so so sorry. I should have asked. It's not right to touch people without their permission. My mom taught me that real young when I tried to stuff my fist into my cousin's mouth because of a dare"

_Kill. Me. Now. Please._

"The class is this way."

His baritone voice was by no means trying to save you from the utter mess you got yourself into, but you took it as one anyway. Trying with all your might to keep pace to followed beside him, internally cursing his long legs.

Maybe noticing your embarrassing display of athleticism, he surprisingly slowed down and you gave him a wide-tooth thanks.

Seeing him nod triggered your rambling once more.

You wish you could warm him how easily your brain loved to dispense utter garbage out of your mouth when given the chance. This is why you couldn't have friends. Any act of kindness ultimately met with never-ending, painfully embarrassing chatter.

You didn't know what you talked about. It was truly a blur as you stole looks at the impassive and looming presence beside you.

"Another reason why dolphins are actually robots is that-"

"We are here."

You blinked dumbly at the sudden interruption turning pink and staring up at the apathetic student. _Geeze he was tall, you would get a crick in your neck if you kept this up._

"Oh wow, that was fast."

Silence.

It felt like he was assessing you for some reason. Maybe trying to communicate something in those unfathomable eyes of his and you felt on edge. You tugged helplessly at a stray string on your backpack.

"I'm um going in?"

He offered no help, just observing you like a specimen under a microscope.

You blinked looking at the door and back at him.

Then it clicked.

_High-hat._

You internally frowned at the realization that he expected you to open the door. You didn't mind opening the door out of politeness. However, expecting it because you were newer, poorer, or your place to do so or something was not the same thing. He didn't give you any evidence to refute your beliefs, just watching you like you were a boring calculus problem, which made your assumptions feel correct.

You were by no means a bloody butler, but you were polite and well mannered, so you shook it off and quickly attempting to open the much too tall door mumbling apologies.

However, the doors here were much heavier than you anticipated, and to your shame, you couldn't even open it a smidge.

_Geez_ _do rich people use stone for their doors?_

You were humiliated, once again, when you heard him sigh deeply and pulled the door open. It was horrifyingly easy, seeing how you were opening it wrong and all. You were pushing it out, like the doors at your schools, but that was not the case here. You rambled out your thanks intently staring at your shoes.

You were quick to step into the classroom and suddenly felt like you entered a cheesy movie.

The room was full of models, kids much too attractive to be your age, who somehow made standard uniforms look like couture.

You unintentionally hid behind Benjamin's tall figure.

It felt like their eyes were ruthlessly analyzing your whole being, like yours every morning, zoning into every flaw.

The boys and girls reeked of poshness. You would rather be swallowed whole or walk 20 miles with Benjamin and his stony silence than stay stuck in a room with this lot.

However, you sucked it up as you always do, offering a shy smile with a wave. You flinched at the sniggering heard somewhere in the back. You turned to your side, hoping to maybe find solace in your newly deemed friend but was startled to see Benjamin already marching to a chair in the back of the class. The class stiffened, even cursing at him when he passed. You could hear the words 'freak', 'monster', 'loon', 'dangerous', 'stalker' and other insults being muttered about. However, if he did hear it, which he must have, he remained unaffected as he sat down regally. Looking like he was so much better than this already incredibly impressive crowd. You felt a jolt of camaraderie with Benjamin, he was an outcast like you would be in this school. Empathy pooled in your belly and you ignored the warning from the Headmaster.

You began to walk towards him without any hesitation as to who you wanted to sit next too. You knew at this school you would be quickly shunned, and he seemed to be in the same position.

You tried to summon his confidence as you walked past the large crowd gossiping in the middle of the class. You didn't succeed when heard the snickering. It felt so loud in your ears, you could have sworn it was all directed at you. Some might not have, but the snide comments on a bag and (you felt dread in your stomach) a large belly, made it clear that enough were.

You hovered shyly when you made it to your destination. Benjamin ignored you as he took out his materials, looking imperious even when turning a page in his notebook and writing out the date. Even his _handwriting_ somehow managed to look regal.

You envied it, and to your horror, you realized you were standing much too close for much too long. Usually, in this situation, the person would glance up at you. Talk to you. Or at least acknowledge the person practically breathing on their forehead, but Benjamin, to your utter luck, was not of that sort.

However, you couldn't find yourself to be too bothered about it after witnessing the aversion he received from his peers. You knew bullying could mess up a person and you felt concern with the realization that maybe he was afraid you would bully him too.

So you sucked up your pride and attempted to be as encouraging with your demeanor as you could.

You failed but managed to get out a mostly comprehensive sentence.

"Um, c-c-could I sit next to you Benjamin?"

_Cheers. You managed to stutter only one word._

You tried to return his black stare with a hopeful smile, you hoped it didn't look like a grimace.

He studied you and you felt that same eerie sensation of being tested. For what, you didn't know. You hoped he just wanted to see if you wouldn't curse him out like the others.

Silence, maybe you were wrong.

"Yes, you may."

Puberty made his voice so deep you noted as you gave a wide grateful smile.

You plopped down beside him assuming that maybe his whole haughty thing was just his personality. You knew a lot of quiet people who came off a bit rude. Your aunt Glendora acted like she hated your guts but you knew she loved you, despite never smiling. So, you figured he was of the same breed and decided you that you and him would make great friends. He already seemed to like you enough, feeling a little more hopeful about the situation, you took in the room with awe.

However, when admiring the details you caught the eyes of the other students in the class unashamedly laughing your way. You didn't know if it was towards you, or maybe Benjamin, but you avert your eyes nonetheless flinching at every loud comment.

"Aww, that backpack."

_Oh goodie, it was you._

"It looks like she'll break the chair"

_Death._

_Yes, death would be nice._

You try to ignore the burning in your eyes.

Sniffling, you breathed in deep trying to remember your mom's words.

You never had this problem at your old school. You were so lucky to be surrounded by the kindest, if not the most fortunate, people you've ever met. Sure, you had your share of arses but they had the decency to say that stuff behind your back.

"Ignore them."

You paused at the sudden command. You glanced at the reflection of Benjamin in the glass window.

He watched the outside scenery with such a noble and apathetic grace that came from _knowing_ you're superior.

You almost thought you imagined his voice as he didn't seem to move from his position. Looking almost like a painting in the reflection of the sunlight.

"They are idiots."

You blinked.

In the reflection, you saw his plump lips scowl briefly and you met his eyes giving him a wide smile.

"Thanks, Benjamin."

He turned to stare at you and frowned deeply.

"Crying annoys me. Only the weak do it"

"Oh" you mumbled looking down at your notebook.

You could tell it was supposed to be an insult. But you also figured it was just his personality and he meant it the same way Glendora meant it when she calls you portly. Well-intentioned concern that came off harsher than they meant to be. So you smiled nonetheless into your pages.

Scratching your head you idly tapped your fingertips on your notebook.

"Do you like Physics?"

He regarded you, managing to make silence sound so loud.

"Um because this-this is Physics class"

"It's English."

"Ohhhhh" you chuckled increasing the drumming of your fingers, "right right right English"

"Stop that" he commanded.

You felt your cheeks heat, you've been doing that a lot recently.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I babble so much you know its a problem I can't help it."

"You hands" he stressed, closing his eyes and sighing as if this conversation was not worth the effort.

"Oh sorry!"

He watched as your fingers immediately flattened onto the table.

His eyes returned back to your unsure ones. Something in them made you apprehensive.

What was he thinking?

"Give me your pencil," it was curt and unexpected.

You gave him one without thought, "of course!"

You quickly passed him the extra one on your desk.

"The one your writing with"

You paused, they were practically the same type but followed the command nonetheless.

You felt so happy at how much this was friendship was progressing, sure he wasn't the most polite of blokes but you could manage this.

He seized the chewed up pencil and placed it neatly next to his organized display of writing utensils. You couldn't help your blush as your fingers touched together, but hoped he didn't notice it.

He probably did as he just continued to _stare_ at you. His eyes were calculative as he observed you for far longer than was polite.

You were beginning to get more nervous, however, stubbornly decided that this interaction was confirmation of your blooming friendship. Since he didn't tell you to stop talking you began to babble once more.

You managed a burst out a good amount of sentences of rubbage before a redhead flounced to your table.

"Out."

This newcomer's face was as pointed as his words. He was as tall as Benjamin and just as put-together, with red hair slicked neatly in place.

You were left at a blank, too startled to react.

"Oh um" you looked at Benjamin for aid but he was still quiet opting to just appraise the situation with a clinical distance.

The redhead appeared irritated with your lack of response, bending down to meet your wide eyes.

"Out of my chair you idiot before the break it" he enunciated each word as if you were a child, it made them sting even more.

_People really liked that joke here_, tears unwillingly welled up in your eyes.

_You belong here. You belong here. You belong here._

Ethereal vultures watched the scene with thirsty anticipation and laughing with approval, you sniffled pathetically in your seat.

_You belong here. You belong here. You belong here._

"Now."

You bowed your head in defeat, clumsily reaching for your belongings.

A large hand rested on your notebook.

"She stays Hux."

The sudden voice stopped you and you quickly turned, so achingly hopeful while staring at Benjamin's unreadable face.

The redhead practically malfunctioned, his face turning as red as his hair.

He paused for a moment, considering the two of you. You flinched at his dismissive stare as he suddenly gave a nasty bark of a laugh.

"Oh, you can't be serious Ben. I didn't say anything before but you can't expect this blimp of tub to be a suitable replacement for your last pe -"

The hand slamming on your notebook caused you to squeak. The fingers clenched in a fist, looked like it was trying to stop itself from wrapping around the suddenly quiet boy's throat.

The other redhead's words confused you but it mostly just hurt you. However, you weren't able to process it much too fascinated and horrified by the look of death on Benjamin's face.

"Do _not_ mention that again Hux."

He hissed it out like a snake. Hux seemed to recognize the unvoiced promise of violence and eventually gave Benjamin a stiff nod. Even though Hux was a right ass he still was braver than you as he managed to look pissed while complying.

"Sit there," Benjamin commanded to the empty seat in front of you two.

Hux opened his mouth to complain but whatever he saw in Benjamin's eye made him close it close with an audible snap as he sat in the char with as much indignation possible.

There was a tense silence in the air as the other students quickly looked away, apparently also afraid of Benjamin's reprimand. Hux seemed unaffected giving you one last unimpressed look, which caused you to flinch despite yourself, and began chatting with Benjamin as if the whole situation didn't occur.

Benjamin cooled down after a moment, reverting back to that mask of stoicism once more.

However, you couldn't pay attention to their conversation still reeling from the encounter. You stared at your notebook feeling, well, a bit pleased.

He defended you. It still hurt what Hux said, the insult clinging to your pride, but Benjamin defended _you_ against his friend. You, a complete and utter new kid, _and_ he wanted you to sit next to him.

The realization that you really did make a new friend, and with one of the scariest kids in the school it seemed, made you feel truly happy for the first time since you left the safe confines of Belba.

You caught his eye when the teacher came. Hux turned his head away with an annoyed sigh at the interruption. Feeling braver since Hux wasn't able to offer any critiques, you sent a truly enormous and elated smile to Benjamin. Benjamin paused, his eyes met yours with that eerie focus that unsettled you a bit. But, remembering his previous actions, dismissed your instincts that it was just a part of his personality.

"Thank you."

Silence.

Maybe he didn't know what for?

"For you know defending me." You looked at your notebook feeling your face heat in embarrassment as he just continued to _observe_ you.

Silence.

"U-um, it's hard to do so against a friend so thank you"

Silence.

"I er, I hope that we too can be friends um Ben?"

You winced at how awkward you managed to muddle up a simple thanks.

However, after a merciless moment of silence that lasted for so much longer than it should have, he nodded.

That was all the confirmation you needed as you happily turned to listen to the teacher, ignoring the prickling feeling of being watched.

You decided it was just something you would get used too.

So, that was how you two became friends. Now here is how it all fell apart in the most horrendous ways.

Chapter 4

Being Ben's friend required a lot more work than you had anticipated. It wasn't bad work per se, just mostly getting accustomed to your new friend's quirks.

After that fateful class, you were a little at a loss on what to do next. However, Ben quickly dissuade you of your confusion in his particular way by abruptly standing up and walking to the door without a glance at your direction. He managed to push pass students who cursed in annoyance. Hux quickly followed suit strutting out the door in a very imperious manner.

You felt perplexed and a little hurt staring at the doorway, your friends back home would usually at least look at you. As you morosely placed your belongings away, waiting for the rest of the class to clear out, you began to become a little nervous. The realization that you would have to navigate to your next class alone made you pout without meaning. However, as you stood up to embark on your journey you were pleasantly surprised to see Ben, in all his grim glory, lurking in the doorway scowling you.

He looked almost like a movie monster and expression did frighten you a bit, but the gesture was much appreciated. You quickly bounced up to your new pal greeting him with an unreturned smile. Hux was beside him with a similar scowl as he dramatically rolled his eyes at your dimming grin.

You bit your lip cranking your head up at your friend feeling unsure the longer he remained unresponsive, "Um thanks B-Ben?"

_Geeze, he really knew how to strike fear into a person._

Silence.

Those obsidian eyes just watched you, making goosebumps break out on your neck. It felt like he was evaluating you.

You became a bit nervous, to say the least, and rambled out apologies. That seemed to do the trick because you were, thankfully, interrupted by his low voice.

"Don't keep me waiting"

Your ears rang in your head with how quickly you nodded much to the snide amusement of Hux. Twiddling your thumbs, you assured your new friend that 'of course' you would be quicker. It seemed like you passed the test.

Well, you assumed you did as he abruptly swirled around and marched down the hall with Hux beside him and you nipping at their heels.

_At least he confirmed it was Ben now. _Your brain offered hopefully.

Gosh, you felt guilty realizing he assumed you would follow. Realizing that they had been waiting for you this whole time made you bow your head in shame as you trailed behind. Only one class and you were mucking up this whole friendship business.

He was much different than your other friends, more candid and if you wanted to make the case, a little bit rude. However, you were steadfast that it was a byproduct of bullying or maybe just his whole thing. Glendora seemed to warm up to you enough to stiffly return your hugs after 10 years so you were sure that you would be able to succeed with Ben.

You just had to learn his particular language is all. He communicated with looks and being fluent in ASL made you confident you could learn his vocabulary in no time.

Hux seemed to be a person you would have to work overtime to impress. However, he did laugh when you fell into Ben's back right after that conversation causing you both to collapse onto the floor. It was incredibly embarrassing and you wanted to just die, seeing how you practically smothered the poor boy, but Hux seemed to enjoy the display. So there's that, you guess. Luckily, your delay made the three of you late to class so no one was in the hall to observe your mortification.

Also, if anything Ben should give you a little warning when he abruptly stopped in the middle of the hall like a nutter. Of course, that was where the next class was, but how you were to know that?

Though you were quick to pick up your companion, babbling apologies at a rapid pace and trying to assess any damage. You were a hefty breed so you were sure you might have caused a rupture or something. You didn't thankfully, _however_ you did manage to come off as if you were groping the poor bloke.

Quickly realizing how unseemly it may have appeared you recoiled as if scalded and looked up with horror at Ben's face. You knew you were as red as Hux's hair at this point and felt as if your head would just melt from the blood rushing to your cheeks.

Hux seemed to be in a tizzy with it all and Ben thankfully barked at him to stop. Hux did, eventually. How that boy was brave enough to be so flippant with Ben's venomous glares beat you.

You were so afraid that your friendship would be terminated there and then. The _look_ he gave you made you shiver in place. Even with his pink cheeks he managed to look intimidating, to say the least. Gosh, you really _were_ mucking this whole thing up you internally cursed at yourself.

However, after a moment of silence with only Hux's attempt to cease his chortles in the background and your flustered apologies, he rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. He even addressed you by your name to stop you which was a very pleasant surprise.

"I'm fine," he managed to look so utterly irritated as he stared at you like you were a dunce. "Just watch where you're going" he warned.

You agreed vehemently opening your mouth, only to quickly shut it with a snap when he raised his hands and pointed at the door. Seeing how you almost killed him you figured you wouldn't be too prideful and get upset at being commanded like a dog.

You opened the door once more, properly this time, and held it out like a servant for the two tall boys. Ben said something to make Hux laugh meanly, you hoped your friend wasn't the type that likes teasing amongst each other.

From then you made sure to be vigilant in his movements to not repeat that disaster.

The rest of the day went pretty smooth, Ben had you sit beside him which was unexpected but enough of an affirmation to you that the whole incident was in the past. You're friendship while having off at a rocky start, would be strong and long you decided. You already were making improvements in deciphering Ben, he would stare at objects he wanted you to give him. He stared at doors, meaning he wanted you to open them. He would even slow his pace in the hallways so you could follow him.

He didn't talk to you much besides that, chatting with Hux about projects you didn't understand. He didn't really try to enlighten you on what these projects were, or even really include you in the conversations, but that didn't deter you much.

You tried once during calculus to insert your opinion however Ben's cold silence and Hux's sneer made you close your mouth. That didn't mean he didn't talk to you during this. He would 'ask' for things like friends do. Like a pencil or paper, even though you noticed he had plenty of them. He wouldn't really use them or return them, and he wouldn't really phrase it as a question, but you figured it was the price of friendship. He also did some weird commands like 'sit up in your chair', 'stop fidgeting', 'don't bite your pencil' and what not during class. It felt a bit like being around your grandma but you would follow the suggestions anyway seeing that maybe he just picked it up from his family. Aunt Glendora sure picked up her mom's strict characteristics.

It stung a little to be treated like an annoying puppy, but you figured this was just the first day.

Things changed a bit during lunchtime. By lunchtime, you were worried if this tentative friendship would expand to outside of the curriculum and tentatively slid beside Ben. He didn't respond to your decision as if he expected it. Hux acknowledged it, making a derisive sigh, but tolerated it and began ignoring you once more. It seemed that you didn't have to worry about where to sit anymore. So you happily hid in Ben's oppressive shadow to get away from the stares and whispers as you observed your peers.

You wanted to see if you could expand your friend prospects, maybe even get Ben some new more friendly companions besides Hux, but didn't have much opportunity to do so. All your classes were with Ben and your peers seemed unreceptive to your smiles. Most would gawk at you, or maybe at Ben, it was hard to tell making you apprehensive to approach. You wanted to take this time to officially admire your prospects.

There were those who would look back at you three, some that didn't take notice, and one group that was pointing animatedly at your table. It was an attractive lot looking like it was led by a boy who so ruggedly handsome it made you blush. His eyes met yours and you felt yourself gasp, quickly looking down into your sandwich. _Geez, you were pathetic._ When you finally had the courage to glance up again he was glowering. It took you back and you felt shaken. _You hope you weren't that unattractive._

Soon enough though you realized he was looking at your neighbor who, you realized to your horror, was glaring down at you. You didn't know how long but the venom he expelled made you tremble.

His face lowered close to yours, you could practically count his eyelashes.

"Do not look at them again." You whimpered despite yourself at his harsh tone, having unwanted memories flash behind your eyes.

You could register Hux snorting in the background, unaware or uncaring of your fear.

Ben's eyes never left yours and you felt as if you would be punished, as strange as it was, if you looked away. It left you feeling confused and angry, you didn't like the memories it brought about, but you were too frightened to process anything more than the need to meekly stay put.

"Ah Ben you're frightening the poor fool"

It was the kindest sentence Hux directed towards you, despite the tone, and you appreciated it.

Ben finally looked away after a contemplative stare turning to direct his ire at the handsome boy who started it all.

"Poe and Ben have a _history_" Hux winked, enjoying this all much too much, "you'll find out about it soon enough"

It sounded like a threat, you gulped.

"No, she will not" Ben gave Hux a brief frown that Hux merely shrugged his shoulders at. Ben grumbled a curse before returning his stare down with this Poe character.

Feeling a little less apprehensive and becoming more miffed as you processed what had occurred, you rebelliously looked at Poe.

Poe was returning Ben's hate tenfold, standing up and ready to attack if not for his friends holding him back. Said friends were shooting Ben and you for some reason, hostile looks as if you caused the whole silent showdown. The whole cafeteria watched in anticipation, you held your breath.

However, amidst this silent chaos, one boy caught your attention. He was handsome like his comrade, with strong lips and a strong jaw. Though it wasn't his looks that caught your attention but the fact that he was staring directly at _you_, never once batting an eye at your neighbor. He looked at you as if he was desperately trying to communicate to you. The look he gave you made unease pool in your belly. It was the same look Mrs. Tarmin gave you only this morning, a look of unadulterated concern.

You quickly looked away not wanting to acknowledge whatever he was trying to relate to you. It was troubling, to say the least.

Distracting yourself with the silent fight going on across the room you were relieved when Poe was the first to look away. He sent one last threatening look at Ben, glancing your way before returning to his table with a puffed up chest and intimidating strut in his walk. It was clear to you that whatever had occurred was far from over.

But as quick as it occurred it over. Ben returned back to his food as if nothing had happened. Sure, there was a gloomy silence around him but if you didn't know the context it would have seemed normal. Hux sighed exasperatedly and just began talking once more.

It was as if you imagined it.

You felt that anger become more evident the more you brewed on the situation. You did _not_ appreciate your friend talking to you that way. It reminded you of too many painful memories. After a moment you nodded your head determined, you would not follow the past mistakes of your dear sweet mother.

You would just set boundaries is all. A part of you was afraid to confront Ben about said boundaries seeing as you had nowhere else to go and he was your designated navigator for the month, however, you knew it needed to be done.

Nodding decidedly, you took a deep breath. You never had the opportunity to do this before, Jab left before you could confront him for all the abuse he inflicted and he luckily never popped back up long enough in your life to warrant one. But you imagined the confrontation enough times to feel somewhat prepared.

However, thinking of this made it truly dawn on you that your mother might try to have another kid with that monster.

But that was a dilemma for another time and you steeled yourself.

It wasn't the same thing, he wasn't Jab, but if Jab was going to try to have another kid and trap your mother to him, this felt like fitting enough practice.

_Breath_.

"You can't talk to me like that"

It was so quiet you were afraid and hopeful he wouldn't hear it. It was heard as Hux snickered meanly opening his mouth to most definitely to spew insults. Ben held out his hand preventing his friend's verbal assault. You met his pensive frown for a moment before intently observing your half-eaten sandwich.

Silence.

You began to sweat worried that he would rebuff your comment. Maybe even abandon you to the vultures. Why did you-

"Poe would hurt you. He has taken a lot from me in the past"

His voice sounded so haunted that you felt safe enough to look at him.

He stared down at the table, a shadow of darkness around him that made you pause.

The pieces came together for you, you didn't know what Poe has done to hurt Ben but he definitely did _something_ to cause your new pal to look like _that_. Empathy and understanding put your anger to shame as you instinctively patted his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize he was a bully" you felt guilty remembering all the mean looks Ben received during the day. The pain must cause to someone made you frown.

Hux sputtered into his food looking utterly thrilled at the comment and Ben's suddenly flushed cheeks.

"Oh yes, Poe is such a _bully_ to poor Ben. He even shoves Ben into lockers when given the chance" he practically wheezed.

You gasped horrified both at Hux's utter lack of concern for his friend's wellbeing _(Ben really knew how to pick them_) and the fact that such things actually occurred these days. You thought that only happened in cheesy shows.

Looking aghast at Ben it confirmed your fears that his disposition was a defense mechanism from constant bullying. You would also be angry at the world if you suffered the same fate. Especially being as tall as him, it probably was torture to be shoved into such a small place!

Ben looked as if he was about to strangle his friend. Hux was too busy giggling into his meal and gleefully recounting all the ways Ben has been bullied to care. You sympathized as you would also be upset if you had to deal with the insensitivity Hux was displaying. You could see the reddening in Ben's cheeks and quickly grabbed his arm, "I'm so sorry Ben. Poe is a complete and utter ass"

Ben eyes stared into yours. It was impossible to read what was going on in his head but it put you on edge once more. You felt as if he was reading every single facial tic and processing his next move. However, it didn't deter you from trying to provide a comforting smile despite your discomfort.

After a heavy silence, he nodded his head.

Hux had calmed down enough at that point to just observe you two. His eyes no longer holding that sadistic cheer but instead glinting in a cold and calculative manner.

You quickly snatched your hand away and felt your face burn with the insinuating look. You were confused with the silent conversation but was happy when it seemed resolved by Hux's eye roll. Hux mumbled out insults about 'not learning' before returning to discussions on their plans.

So that was your lunch break, you made sure to ignore the looks directed to you by Poe and his gang. You accidentally met his eyes once as he looked at you with a furrowed brow. However, you were quick to avert your gaze.

Halfway during lunch, an intimidating looking girl joined your table. She was tall, like everyone seemed to be at the school, and muscular with cropped short blonde hair. She gave off the vibe that she would break off your fingers if you crossed her and you were immediately awed and scared.

"Phasma"

She nodded at Hux's impersonal greeting.

_Geez, this was their first day of school and they all acted like coworkers._

You felt a surge of pity for this group. Your friends back home hugged each other as if they would never see each other again after a day apart.

The pang of loss remembering your friends hit you hard, however, you knew if you went through that train of thought you would start crying into your yogurt.

"Who's this?"

You snapped out of your musing by her voice, it was smooth and strong, commanding your attention.

"Ben's new pet" Hux snickered, silencing his laugh into his napkin at Ben's venomous snarl.

You gulped, okay yes this wasn't like your old group of friends but it will do.

"Where were you?" Ben questioned in his version of politeness.

"Dealing with some," she paused looking at your eager eyes (_you wanted to look like her when you grew up_), "business."

It sounded a bit ominous. However, you just met so you understood that you wouldn't be apart of inside jokes just yet. You were sure that you would be resolved soon enough.

Ben nodded his head as they shared a silent conversation.

Phasma suddenly looked at you, evaluating you with the same calculative look Hux did just moments ago.

_Your new friends had a preference for strong eye contact you noted._

It felt as if she was doing the same assessment over your whole being Ben had in the past. When she stopped at your bright pink backpack sitting innocuously at your side you flushed. You remembered Hux's words about the thing and felt a little protective over it. Ben at least had the decency not to comment on it. You slide it to your lap and away from view and her raised eyebrow.

However, you decided you liked her much better than Hux as she chose to be quiet and even said hello to you. She was noticeably more polite than her neighbor who still had yet to ask for your name. Phasma did and even nodded her head all well-mannered like.

Her kindness triggered your blabbering much to your disgrace.

She at least tolerated it, giving Ben a dubious glance. You didn't see his expression too busy explaining to her the reason why Dolphins are actually a government conspiracy (you had the pamphlet to prove it) but whatever she saw in his expression had her sigh and shake her head as she returned her attention back to you.

That was how the rest of the lunch went, overall success in your opinion. You learned about Ben, stood up for yourself, and made a new friend in Phasma. She even engaged in your chatter. Sure it was formal and cordial, however, it was more than Ben had and a whole lot more than Hux had.

You left the lunch feeling more hopeful about this school. However, seeing the look on Poe's face as you trailed behind the trio made you pause. Seeing the look on his friend's face had you pale.

But you wouldn't let a bunch of bullies deter you. You gave a glare at the duo that they looked a bit shocked at it (much to your pleasure) and continued your path.

You were surprised to see Ben waiting for you by the doors, that silent interaction lasted longer than you thought. You opened your mouth to apologize however you were shocked to see the smirk on Ben's face. It was the most receptive look you received so far from your friend.

Smiling back widely you followed him with a bounce in your step.

Yes, it was pretty successful, to say the least.

Phasma only shared one class with you after that, sitting beside Hux while you took your position beside Ben. It was comforting to know you were quickly being inundated into the group. Sadly, it seemed you were forced back into being silent as they discussed their 'plans'. Not seeing the need to include you. You didn't want a repeat of calculus and sully your blossoming friendship and spent your time doodling during their chats not letting it bother you too much.

You noticed it was different when it was just you and Ben. During your last class in which Hux and Phasma were not present, another big accomplishment was had. You weren't too saddened out about the red head's absence, you could handle snide comments for so long you know, but you were worried about having to be alone with Ben. So far you didn't get another chance to talk to Ben since that morning and didn't know how it would go.

Here's how it went:

It was finally physics and _he_ told you he enjoyed physics. It was out of nowhere. You were a little too afraid to talk first. You felt awkward and unsure seeing how you weren't allowed to join in his discussions with Hux. It became so unbearable that you were worried that maybe he really didn't like you at all. That maybe it wasn't just his past but you that made him not want to talk.

However, like he heard your concerns or maybe hated the stifling silence as well, he initiated the conversation. You were fidgeting in your seat despite trying not too, biting your lips to keep from blabbering when he made the admission out of the blue. It felt like the final affirmation that you needed, that you two were _indeed_ friends.

Suddenly, as with Phasma, you couldn't stop your mouth. You were rambling all about physics as if to prove to your silent companion of your shared interests. It was impressive how many words were spoken into those short minutes. You were a bit worried that maybe you weren't giving him time to insert his own opinions or that you were annoying him but he actually seemed to be listening. He was watching you with an intense focus, even nodding his head when you discussed your engineering projects.

And if that wasn't good enough he asked you about your robotic background. You could have sworn something flashed behind his eyes when you answered in the affirmative. He seemed pleased when you explained you were in the school's scientific scholarship. He appeared almost weirdly satisfied in a way, learning about the school canceling its creative arts scholarship. You felt pretty bummed about it yourself, feeling sorry for the underprivileged kids whose talent wouldn't be recognized and told him as such but Ben's expression was a little out of place to be quite honest.

Nonetheless, this was an unscheduled development and on the first day too! He endured your inane blabbering as you continued on, and even with his sporadic commands scattered about (he really hated poor posture), it felt like the closest 'friendship'-like conversation you had with him.

By the end of class when you followed him out of school you felt so hopeful and happy that your day wasn't a complete disaster you couldn't help but hug him tightly. He squawked at the sudden action which made you feel horrible. You came from a background of huggers and told him as such, but he seemed to accept your apologies well enough as he didn't even glare at you. Just do that unreadable stare as his cheeks turned a soft pink.

He even walked you to the nearby train station down the street letting you fill the walk with never-ending talking. You were even able to ask him questions all about himself _and_ he even answered!

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No"

"Do you have any pets"

"No"

"Do you want any pets?"

"No"

"You sure? If you could pick a pet out of all pets what would you pick"

"..."

"A dog"

"Oh, what type of dog? You know the type of dog really ..."

"..."

"Do you have a favorite movie?"

"No"

"Oh, you're a reader type. That's pretty impressive you know there was a study all about your lot in which ..."

"..."

"What's your favorite book?"

"A Clockwork Orange"

"ooooh! I love that book it's great and oh gosh that part ..."

"..."

"Do you have a favorite color?"

"No"

"Everyone has a favorite color! Well not everyone but you know you might have a preference for a color..."

"Black."

It went like that and while it wasn't the most fluid of conversations you felt like it was such an accomplishment and a huge step in the right direction.

People watched you two with too much fascination that it made you uncomfortable. However, Ben was a very tall bloke and was able to unknowingly act as a shield for most of it.

So overall it was a very pleasant walk.

As you boarded the train you cheerily met his eerily focused eyes. You even found yourself warming up to his uncomfortably strong eye contact!

_And_ as if to wrap it up in a bow _he_ said bye first. He nodded his head and promised to see you tomorrow. If anyone else had said that to you with the same look in their eyes, you would think it was a forbidding threat. However, as you returned his gaze with a big smile you knew it was just one of Ben's quirks, something you would get used to soon enough.

wow that was long ... sorry about that!

**Okay I want to warn you, without too much spoilers, that Kylo will be manipulative and not that nice. You have a very poor judge in characters and are super biased. I mean he didn't even defend *you* against being called fat. So like remember reader is a biased narrator!**

**Also I hope ben was reasonably in character. I wanted him to be somewhat nice I mean I see Kylo as being his final evil form but this part of him, while not nice or healthy, is mostly just unaware of how cruel he can be! (Not excusing it though!)**


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